


Wash My Soul

by Hyperionova



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Eventual Smut, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:24:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: He couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t the disappointment of rejection that suffocated him this time. It was the agony of having lost the most precious thing he ever had in life.





	Wash My Soul

 

“I don’t think this is going to work.”

That’s how it always ended.

“It’s not… you.”

That’s what they all said.

Silence filled the room. So did rejection, desolation, hopelessness, and embarrassment. Sehun smiled to hide his despair. He nodded and took a sip of wine.

“It is,” he muttered, lowering his head.

“No, I promise. It’s not you. I just…”

“Want to see other people, who aren’t me,” Sehun said with a snivel. “I understand.”

“It was never my intention to hurt you.”

They said that, too.

Sehun sucked in a shaky breath. It was like an endless loop. Meet someone, make the effort to get them to like him, spend a couple of weeks getting to know each other only to have them reject him in the end for reasons none of them ever seemed to elucidate.

“I’d like to be left alone, if you don’t mind,” Sehun said, planting his head in his hands. He heard him leave and the door closing.

At the age of 29, Sehun, a financial analyst, had rotten luck when it came to romance or relationships. He had thought that moving into a big city would mean more opportunities for a gay guy to meet a decent man and settle down. However, he soon realized that his goals and desires oftentimes mismatched those he dated.

He raised his head and scrubbed his face with his palms. Then picking up his phone, he called the one person he knew would be able to condole with him right now.

“You better be dying and are calling me to tell me your last words, and they better be ‘You are the best man I know, Kai’ or I’m going to kill you for interrupting the hottest sex I’ve ever had in my life.”

Sehun chuckled softly, shaking his head. “You are the best man I know, Kai,” he said and could almost _see_ Kai’s smile on the other end of the line. “But I’m not dying in the literal sense, though I’m pretty sure this is what it must feel like.”

Kai took a moment to reply. When he did, his tone was solacing. “You got dumped, didn’t you?”

Sehun sighed. “What am I doing wrong that all of them just scram like I asked for their kidneys?”

“Where are you?”

“At home,” Sehun grumbled. “He literally broke up with me after draining my 500-dollar cabernet.”

“I’ll be there in a moment,” Kai said and Sehun could hear him buckling his belt.

“What? No,” Sehun rasped. “You’re… busy. You’re not coming.”

“I already did,” Kai snorted and Sehun rolled his eyes. “Twice. But now my best friend needs me. I’ll be there in twenty.”

Sehun smiled, leaning back on the couch as he ended the call. He then looked up at the ceiling and exhaled heavily. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop needing you.”

* * *

 

When you’ve known someone for so long, you start seeing yourself through their eyes. They’d know you better than you. Imagining a life without them would be the worst sort of hell. Love, trust, honesty, unselfishness, they were the vital constituents of friendship. Love and friendship. They were two sides of the same coin.

13 years. That was how long he had been friends with Kai. It really felt like a lifetime. Somewhere along those years, they had begun to care for each other more than they cared about anyone else, even their own families.

Their friendship began on the school’s gym during a game of basketball. Sehun did not remember much about their first meeting. All that he knew was Kai had stood up for him when some pretentious jocks tried to pick on him. Sehun had been out of the closet ever since his first boyfriend had outed him to protect himself, claiming that Sehun had forced himself on him when they were caught in flagrante delicto in the school’s closet by their schoolmates. Sehun never bothered to defend himself. He was too broken and too hurt to even try.

He and Kai eventually started sitting together in classes and at lunches. They’d play truant to watch a new movie or catch a soccer game in Old Boyle’s Café. They’d meet up at the field for a soccer match every evening. They’d copy each other’s homework. They had a secret handshake. They had their own private jokes. When they had to decide on a college to join, they applied for the same business school.

It was in college when Kai admitted that he was into both women and men. Just not… Sehun. Of course, he never explicitly said so. Sehun assumed that must have been the reason why Kai never made a move on him. Even after that scarring debacle Sehun had caused during their senior year prom in high school.

Being the only openly gay in a small-town school meant showing up to all school dances without a date. Kai usually had a date. Or dates. Every girl in school wanted to go out with him. Surprisingly, Sehun had never envied him. Because Kai never prioritized anybody over Sehun. He knew he had secured the top spot in Kai’s heart.

However, Sehun did envy the girls Kai went out with.

Senior year prom. Sehun remembered sitting on his bed and sulking, listening to _Queen_. The door was prised open, and Kai barged in, clad in a sharp black suit with his hair swept neatly with gel.

Sehun’s chest tightened with something like excitement and desperation.

“You look neat,” he commented, gripping the textbook in his hands.

Kai smirked as he took his coat off. “I clean up nice, don’t I?” He snatched the book from Sehun and turned the radio off. “Why are you still not ready?”

Sehun huffed loudly. “I told you, I’m not going.”

“I thought you were kidding!”

Sehun wrenched the book back. “I really am not going, Kai.”

Kai scowled at him. “I’m not going stag alone tonight.”

Sehun raised an eyebrow. “You have a date.”

“I don’t.” Kai crossed his arms over his chest. Sehun was at loss for words. Was he delusional for wondering if Kai was subtly asking him to go with him to the prom?

He shook the thought away. He was reading too much into this.

“Okay,” he agreed at length and Kai beamed brightly.

“Marvellous. Come on.”

“Wait outside. Let me get changed.”

Turned out, Kai did not need to bring a date to the dance. He had plenty of options _at_ the dance. Sehun ended up solitary at the corner of the bleachers as he always did at proms.

He kept his gaze low at all times, not wanting to look at Kai waltzing on the dancefloor with a girl from 11th grade. Well, he supposed he was a little envious of Kai. Not just Kai. Everyone on the dancefloor, who had a partner to dance with. It made Sehun want to run away from this town all the more.

“If you’re done moping, wanna dance?”

Sehun looked up and blinked at Kai, who was holding a hand out to him. “What?”

Kai flashed a toothy grin. “Let’s dance, Oh Sehun.”

 _He’s just kidding._ Sehun bitterly grimaced at his friend and looked away. “Hilarious. I’m fine. You don’t have to pity me.”

Kai’s smile faltered. When Sehun didn’t budge, he caught hold of Sehun’s hand and yanked him up to his feet. “Who said I’m pitying you? I just want to dance with you.”

All eyes were on them. Sehun’s body was tense as Kai drew him to the dancefloor. “Kai,” he said in protest.

“It’ll be fun,” Kai replied with the most reassuring smile that Sehun could never seem to overlook.

He had never danced with a boy before. His limbs were stiff. Kai lifted Sehun’s arms and draped them around his own neck before he latched his hands to Sehun’s hips.

Sehun’s heart was racing a thousand miles per minute. Blood pulsed in his temples as Kai stared into his eyes and led the dance. Sehun couldn’t look away but he couldn’t bear to hold Kai’s gaze either.

Kai smiled. Sehun’s eyes dropped to stare at Kai’s lips. He then unconsciously slid his fingers along the hairline at the nape of Kai’s neck. The music mellowed Sehun’s distress and jellied his body. Before he could realize what he was doing, he was leaning in to brush his lips against Kai’s.

Kai blenched and took a step back before their lips could touch. That moment, Sehun wanted the earth to swallow him up right from beneath him. He wanted death. He wanted to get as far away as he could from Kai.

He didn’t get too far when he fled the gym and raced to the back of the school, where he broke into a sob. He wasn’t sure what he was more embarrassed about. The fact that he had tried to kiss his best friend without realizing it or the fact that Kai had recoiled.

“Sehun.”

Sehun gasped for air and wiped his cheeks hurriedly before he turned his head to look at Kai. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly, voice thick with a sob. “I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry, Kai. I’m so sorry.”

Kai heaved a sigh and removed his jacket before he lowered to sit beside Sehun. “Don’t sweat it,” he said, throwing an arm around Sehun’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Sehun. You don’t have to be sorry.”

They said nothing more. They never talked about it again. It was as though it had never happened.

In college, however, when Sehun found Kai with a couple of guys from fraternity naked in Kai’s bed, Kai had no option but to admit that he had always been into men, too. When Sehun asked why he had hidden the truth from him, Kai had offhandedly told him that he had never seen the need to ‘come out’, not even to his best friend. It wasn’t exactly Sehun’s business.

As the years went by, they both settled for professions they loved and they lived separate lives. While Sehun longed for something solid and permanent, Kai thrived on the thrill of one-night stands, online hook-up platforms, bars, and he never believed in relationships. Especially the monogamous ones.

“I don’t do romance,” Kai liked to say on a daily basis. It was a reminder to himself. Sehun did not pose any objections to his choice of lifestyle.

He just wished they wanted the same things. It didn’t stop them from being best friends, though.

* * *

 

“Let me tell you this again,” Kai drawled after swigging his beer. “You can keep looking for your Prince Charming and waste all the good years of your life. Or you can put on some sexy ass skin-tight jeans and go to a gay bar.”

Sehun scoffed, smirking. “Not what I’m looking for,” he sighed.

Kai reclined on the couch, resting his feet on Sehun’s lap. “So, did he at least tell you why he broke up with you?”

“I think he made it very clear that there are better people to date than me.”

“Bullshit,” Kai spat. “You are undoubtedly the husband material. You work, you cook, you go to bed by ten.”

Sehun nodded, pursing his lips. “I get it. I’m boring.”

Kai sat up. “No. No. Listen,” he said, cupping Sehun’s chin in his hand. “You just have to find someone that… wants all that.”

Sehun stared at his own reflection in Kai’s eyes for a moment. His breathing shallowed. “What do… you want, Kai?” he asked in a low whisper.

Kai exhaled a loud breath and slumped back against the couch. He shrugged. “I want you to be happy, I guess.”

Sehun felt his heart skip a beat. “I mean, what do you want for yourself.”

Kai fixed his idle gaze on the coffee table. “I want to be young forever,” he said, chuckling. “Virile forever.”

Sehun groaned. “Will you never get tired of fucking around?”

“Do you ever get tired of not getting your ass eaten and impaled?”

Sehun slammed the cushion on Kai’s face. “You crude prick. You were supposed to make me feel better.”

Kai straightened up. “You have to stop wallowing in self-pity and try some living _my_ way for once.”

Sehun shook his head. “That’s just not me. I want something _real_ , Kai. Someone I can come home to and be warm next to when I go to sleep. I want something… lasting.”

“Suit yourself. But let me tell you that what you want is not really what you _need_ right now. Right now, you need to get plastered and get laid.”

“I’m going to bed,” Sehun said and rose to his feet.

“Nope, you’re not.” Kai caught his hand and hauled himself up. “We are going out.”

“Kai—” Sehun began to grouse but Kai cut him off, pressing a finger to Sehun’s lips.

“I’ll help you find your Prince Charming. But for tonight, you’re coming with me.”

Sehun already knew how this night would end. And he wasn’t wrong when he gave up for the night and Kai went home with someone he met at the bar while Sehun went home to weep into his pillow.

* * *

 

“I’m coming!” Sehun yapped as he hurried to get the door. Wrenching it open, he glowered at Kai. “You knew I was in, why do you have to knock a gazillion times?”

Kai lowered his sunglasses and arched an eyebrow at Sehun. “I just wanted to hear you scream ‘I’m coming’.”

Sehun rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Pervert.” He turned around and walked away, leaving the door open. “What do you want? I’m already late for work.”

Kai shut the door behind him and fiddled with the candleholder on the sideboard. “I have the day off. Thought we could go do something fun.”

“So, you just assumed I would call in a sick day just to entertain you?” Sehun asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kai pinned him with a smirk. “Friendship is all about making sacrifices.”

“Your dick appointment cancelled, didn’t he?”

Kai shrugged his shoulders. “You know me so well. I was planning a really hot afternoon. Stripping, belts, strawberries.”

“Spare me the details,” Sehun said and started towards the kitchen.

“Ooh, _Wash My Soul_ by _Tricky_ ,” Kai commented as he followed Sehun.

“What?” Sehun asked, grabbing a mug. He then looked at the speaker. “Oh. It’s not… my playlist.”

“Sure,” Kai scoffed.

Sehun quickly grabbed his phone to turn it off.

“Nah-uh-uh.” Kai seized Sehun’s phone and pocketed it.

“Hey—”

Kai brought a hand to Sehun’s stomach and pushed him back until Sehun was shoved against the kitchen island. “Did you know this is one of the most erotic songs? Really stimulates your body like crazy.”

Kai took his leather jacket off and playfully drew his hands down Sehun’s chest, swaying his hips to the rhythm of the song. Sehun’s breath hitched. He dared not move. His blood began to stir in his nether regions as Kai lowered down his body.

“ _Lick it, wet it You like it, you let it. Lick it, wet it Touch it, take your turn,_ ” Kai sang, purring as he leaned in to Sehun’s ear. Sehun’s body arched into Kai’s when he felt Kai’s warm breath graze against his neck.

He was aware that Kai was just fooling around with him. But nothing ever felt more real than Kai. The raw heat of his skin, the way he cared, the fact that he was the one Sehun could ever trust and depend on. Was that all just friendship?

“Kai, cut it out,” Sehun grunted and pushed Kai back by the chest. Kai seized his wrist and Sehun lost his grip on the mug. Kai caught the mug before it could hit the ground and he staggered forward, collapsing against Sehun.

He placed the mug on the countertop as Sehun brought his slender fingers to clutch at Kai’s shoulders pulled back a little to look into Sehun’s eyes. His gaze then slowly drooped to Sehun’s parted, panting lips. Sehun could now feel Kai’s minty breath on his lips.

Sehun’s hands moved on their own to hold the back of Kai’s neck as Kai pressed their foreheads together. Their hips began to move in sync. Kai’s hands were sliding into Sehun’s shirt, caressing the sides of Sehun’s waist.

Their breaths mingled, eyes fixated on each other’s mouth. Sehun clenched his eyes when he felt Kai’s lips brush his upper lip.

“Shit,” Kai muttered then and withdrew, retrieving his hands. The song had ended.

Sehun stood still, frozen to the floor with his heart hammering against his chest. His thoughts were muddled and his cheeks were burning.

Kai’s phone rang. “I gotta take this,” Kai said. Sehun did not raise his head to meet Kai’s eyes. He couldn’t. “You’re getting late for… work. I’ll get going.”

Sehun swallowed hard but did not respond.

* * *

 

“You love him, don’t you?” his sister asked when Sehun went back home to visit his family for thanksgiving.

Sehun shifted his weight on his sister’s old bed. He could not give her answer. It felt like betrayal to say yes.

“Why are you two not married already?” his sister snorted. “I have never seen two people care for each other the way you two do.”

Sehun picked on his cuticles idly. “It’s not like that, sis.”

“What’s it like, then? Okay, it could have been a problem if one of you was straight. But Kai isn’t.”

“He also doesn’t like me like that.”

“How do you know?”

Sehun sat up. “Well, for one,” he started. “he is a notorious playboy. He must have slept with every gay in the city. Why would he spare one that’s the most convenient for him? And for 13 years?”

“Good point,” his sister sighed. “Has he never shown any signs?”

Sehun shook his head. “We don’t love each other that way.”

“Oh, _you_ do. And you’re miserable because of it.”

Sehun did not argue. She was right. He was miserable because of Kai. But if Kai ever knew how much pain he was inflicting on Sehun with every smile, every false hope, he would be crushed and he would pity Sehun so much that he would step away from Sehun’s life for good. Confessing his feelings wasn’t worth the risk of losing Kai forever.

“Are you not his type?” his sister asked.

Sehun snorted. “Do I have two arms and two legs, and resemble a human being? Then, yes, I am his type. There’s reason why he sleeps with different people almost every night and with every gender.”

“So, why hasn’t he made a move on you?”

“I don’t know. I guess I really am that undesirable, considering how I’ve managed to blow off all my boyfriends just within three weeks of dating.”

Sehun was wallowing in self-pity. He knew that. He couldn’t help it.

He had everything he wanted in his life. He had achieved all of his dreams. All but the man he loved.

“When I married Justin,” his sister said. “I was so unsure. He had a lot of ex-girlfriends and he didn’t seem like the responsible type. But I manned up and I gave it a shot. I don’t regret it.” She ruffled Sehun’s hair. “You need to tell him. You can’t live with such grievances forever.”

Sehun blinked away the tears that stung his eyes. “I can’t. I don’t want to jeopardize 13 years of friendship.”

“Then you can continue to live like this. You two already love each other, trust each other, know each other more than anyone. I don’t think either of you is unattractive, not by gay men’s standards, at least.”

Sehun smirked. “Thanks. But… I’m just gonna let it… work on its own. If it’s meant to happen, it would happen.”

* * *

 

“I have never wanted to punch someone so bad in my life. He’s such an asshole,” Kai spat, rambling about someone at work who had pissed him off recently.

Sehun was barely listening. All that he could think about was the other day when they were in the kitchen and they had both almost lost their sanity. Kai was actively avoiding the topic, too.

“Hey, do you wanna share a bagel?” Kai asked, stopping at a bagel stand.

“Sure,” Sehun replied and looked away. His eyes landed on the man, who was calming a crying baby before another man appeared with another, older, child.

“You better get her that stuffed animal,” the one patting the weeping baby’s back told the other man. Sehun noticed the wedding bands the men sported on their fingers.

Jealousy took over his guts and twisted them. He smiled at them nonetheless.

“Yoo-hoo?”

Sehun turned to face Kai. “Thanks,” he said, accepting his half of the bagel. They proceeded along the roadside, ambling through the throng of city people.

“You all right?” Kai inquired a moment later. “Something on your mind?”

“No. Why?”

Kai looked back at the couple with the children. “You were staring at them.”

“Must be nice to have a family like that.”

Kai laughed. “You’re joking, right? That’s what my nightmares look like.”

Sehun came to a halt in his tracks. Kai stopped when he was a few feet ahead and had noticed that Sehun had stopped walking.

“What?” he asked.

“Actually… I do have something on my mind. I get it, Kai,” Sehun said. “You’re stone cold. You think you are incapable of falling in love. You won’t settle down. You don’t want to have a family of your own. You just want to keep fucking around until the end of your time. Well, guess what. You’re going to end up being a lonely loser that ignored the one chance you had at happiness.”

Kai’s eyebrows furrowed. “What on earth are you talking about? I am perfectly happy the way I am… And stop causing a scene.” He extended a hand to grab hold of Sehun’s.

Sehun yanked his hand away and glowered at Kai with glassy eyes. “I should go home.”

Kai’s face was scrunched up in confusion. But he did not quarrel. “All right. Fine. Let’s go home.”

“Alone.” With that, Sehun turned on his heel and strutted away, plunging his hands into the pockets of his coat.

* * *

 

He tossed and turned on his bed, praying for some sleep. But none came to him. His heart would not stop pounding and his hands kept trembling. He shouldn’t have stormed off. He should have told Kai what he really had on his mind at that time. How long could Sehun ignore his own feelings? How long could he keep pretending like he did not want Kai romantically? How long could he go on not asking Kai why he could not choose Sehun?

He sat up on the edge of his bed and took a few deep breaths. Then grabbing his car keys, he hurried out of the house.

There was a time when Sehun had pictured how it might be if he and Kai were dating. He would accept Kai for everything he was, just like how Kai had already accepted Sehun for everything he was. They might want two different lives, but if they wanted each other, nothing else mattered much.

It took Kai a few minutes to get the door. When he did, he showed up without a shirt, clad in just a pair of boxers, sporting a mussed hair and a sweating skin.

“Sehun?” he rasped, blinking confusedly.

“Why not me?” Sehun blurted out as his chest heaved for breath.

Kai gaped at him in surprise. “What are you—”

Sehun shoved Kai into the house and stepped in. “You sleep with everyone. Why have you never looked in my way? I know I’m not awful-looking. When I wanted to kiss you in high school, you pulled away. You hooked up with guys, you’ve even been in a few relationships with them. So, why not _me_?!”

Kai’s jaw fell slack. His expression was horror-struck, and he gawked at Sehun as though he were looking at his own ghost. “Sehun…”

Sehun wiped a tear that trickled down his cheek. “Tell me why, you bastard! You say that I deserve everything, and I deserve better every time I get dumped or rejected. But you don’t really believe that, do you?”

“I do,” Kai said shakily. “I do, Sehun. And that’s why I cannot… do this with you. You’re my… best friend. You’ll get hurt and seeing you get hurt will hurt me. I will never forgive myself. I can’t… give you the things you want. They’ll make _me_ miserable.”

Sehun’s body suddenly felt limp. He wanted to melt to the ground and never get up again.

And then it got worse.

“Hey, are you coming back to bed?”

Sehun looked over to the sinuous, blond guy that sauntered into the hallway, wearing absolutely nothing.

“Who’s the hottie? Oh, is he here for a threesome?” the stranger asked. “I’d be totally up for that.”

Kai clenched his jaw. “Sehun,” he called, taking a step closer to Sehun.

“No,” Sehun said, retreating to the door. “I’m sorry.”

He turned around and hurried out of the apartment as fast as he could. He couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t the disappointment of rejection that suffocated him this time. It was the agony of having lost the most precious thing he ever had in life.

* * *

 

A lot had changed in two months.

Sehun had decided to avoid Kai. So, he went to spend the holidays with his sister and her family. He had hoped that the break would somehow heal everything. He knew nothing would be the same when he went back. Kai had tried to contact him only like a few hundred times and Sehun had ignored all of his calls and messages. He might have lost his best friend but something good came out of it after all. He might no longer need to pine for someone who loved him but was not in love with him.

Or so he had fooled himself into believing. But it was for the better. It was still strange to picture a life without Kai. It was as though a fundamental strand of his soul had gone missing.

“Is he a solid guy?” his sister inquired on the other end of the phone call. Sehun snorted, plumping on the couch.

“He’s really nice. I really like him,” he said. “We have a date tonight.”

“He looked nice in the pictures. Which phase are you on now?”

“The getting-to-know phase.”

“Still? Shouldn’t you two be bumpin’ uglies already?”

Sehun chuckled. “He wants to take it slow. And so do I. It’s what I like the most about him… I also think he won’t last long.” The doorbell chimed. “Hey, I’ll call you back in a while. There’s someone at the door.”

He wasn’t sure whom to expect. But he certainly was not anticipating Kai to stand on the other side of the door when he opened it.

Sehun’s heart stopped and his stomach clenched. He was paralyzed.

Kai pulled his hands out of the pockets of his jeans and said, “Hey, Sehun.”

Sehun stared at him wordlessly for a moment. His throat felt parched. “H-Hey… Kai.”

“Can I… come in?”

Sehun swallowed and stepped aside to let Kai in. “Sure.”

Closing the door, he stood by it for a stretch, rubbernecking at Kai, wondering if this was a dream. “Happy New Year,” Kai said, glancing around the house he’d been in for a thousand times.

“Thanks,” Sehun muttered. “How did you know I was back?”

“I called your sister last night,” Kai said and turned to face Sehun. “Are you done being angry at me?”

Sehun closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. “What are you doing here, Kai?”

Instead of answering, Kai removed his jacket. “Seeing someone already?” he asked, pointing at the wine bottles Sehun had picked out for this evening.

“Yes,” Sehun said sternly. “I’m actually seeing him tonight. We share a lot in common and he’s a decent guy.”

“So, is he the one? Your Prince Charming?”

Sehun gripped his fists. “What the hell do you want?”

Kai let out a humourless laughter. “You’re such a dick, do you know that?”

“Oh, am I now?”

“Yes, you asshole,” Kai snarled and his hand flew up to clutch at Sehun’s shirt collar. “You’re a selfish little prick.”

“ _I’m_ selfish!” Sehun scoffed, gripping Kai’s wrist. “Kim Kai, there couldn’t be a more self-centred man in this world than you.”

“I’m not the one who forsook 13 years of friendship and left without a goodbye or a note or anything! I wanted to talk to you! But you just took off! What the hell had I even done to deserve being treated like a piece of shit?!” He released Sehun’s shirt and shoved back.

Sehun stumbled a few steps before he steadied himself against the couch’s armrest. “Get out, Kai.”

“No. Not until you tell me why you did that.”

“Because I didn’t want to be near you!”

“Why?!”

“Because I love you, for Christ’s sake! I love you, you goddamn bastard!” He clenched his watery eyes and fought for breath, panting laboriously.

Kai was silent.

Then at length, he said, “What made you think I don’t love you?”

Sehun cracked his eyes open but didn’t raise them to look at Kai’s face. “Not… that kind of love, Kai,” he murmured as his voice began to break. “I _love_ you. I’m in love with you. And it became apparent that I will only keep hurting myself if I kept on hoping.”

Kai closed the distance between them and took Sehun’s face in his hands, forcing Sehun to look up at him. “How do you not see that you’re hurting me, too?” he whispered as Sehun stared into his bloodshot eyes.

Sehun pulled away. “Please, just… go.”

Kai’s face wilted. He bowed his head lightly and turned around. “All right.”

As Kai approached the door, Sehun sank in the couch and buried his face in his hands, choking back on a sob.

“Sehun,” Kai called and Sehun raised his head. “Don’t go.”

Sehun blinked at him vacantly and rose from the couch. “What?”

Kai closed his eyes momentarily and licked his lips. “Don’t go. Tonight. He won’t last.”

Sehun knew that. But he really wanted to punch Kai’s teeth out in that moment. “You don’t know that. Hell, you don’t even know him.”

“I don’t have to,” Kai said. “You and I both know that he isn’t the one.”

Sehun breathed out a curt laughter. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you even hear yourself? Kai, please, just go. I don’t want to do this with you right now.”

“How many times do you plan on having your heart broken? He isn’t the one. None of them will be the one.”

Sehun was on the verge of tears. “Leave, Kai,” he begged in a low voice.

“Enough of this,” Kai gasped and lurched forward. Cupping Sehun’s face in his hands, he smashed their mouths together and kissed him as the world fell away around them.

Sehun stilled as Kai’s lips bruised his. There it was. The fireworks. The sparks. The butterflies. He was suddenly at his senior year prom again. He raised his hands to the back of Kai’s head and clutched at his hair and started responding to the kiss while Kai’s hands slithered to the small of Sehun’s back.

Kai stole each and every one of Sehun’s breaths, deepening the kiss. His tongue swiped along Sehun’s lower lip before Kai caught it between his teeth and gently nibbled on it, leaving it throbbing and swollen. He then drew his lips to Sehun’s tear-stained cheek and kissed all over it before he pressed them to Sehun’s eyes, brushing the tears off the eyelashes with his lips.

Sehun tasted the salt of his tears when Kai kissed him on the mouth again. This time, slowly, languidly, as though he were trying to memorize the curve of Sehun’s lips.

“I want you, Kai,” Sehun let out in a sob, lips still pressed against Kai’s.

“I know,” Kai replied in a whisper with his hands snaking down Sehun’s ass. He gripped the back of Sehun’s thighs and hoisted him from the floor. Panting against Sehun’s mouth, he said, “I want you, too.”

It must be a dream. If it were, Sehun prayed that he would never have to wake up from it.

Kai did not break the kiss as he bore Sehun to the bedroom. Laying him down on the bed, Kai slithered between Sehun’s legs and reclaimed Sehun’s mouth as he gently began to grind their hips together. Sehun’s eyes rolled back as a throaty moan escaped his mouth when Kai clutched at his thigh and humped him dry. The friction caused by the thick fabric of their jeans rapidly hardened Sehun’s cock.

“Kai,” Sehun moaned, tugging at Kai’s shirt desperately. He was already sobbing for oxygen when Kai slipped a hand under Sehun’s shirt and fingered a nipple.

Kai’s mouth then moved to abuse Sehun’s neck. Sehun did not hold back. He moaned Kai’s name like a prayer while Kai kissed his neck with his fingers fumbling to unfasten the buttons of Sehun’s shirt. Upon succeeding, Kai dragged his tongue and lips down Sehun’s sternum before replacing his fingers around Sehun’s hardened nipple with his mouth.

“Jesus,” Sehun let out, gasping for breath as Kai’s tongue swirled around his nipple. He fisted the sheets with one hand and lightly gripped Kai’s hair with the other while Kai teased and sucked on the pebbled nipple. The obscene noises they were making should be condemned to hell.

Sehun’s back arched off the bed when Kai glided lower, peppering Sehun’s belly with soft, feathery kisses before he paused to lick and tongue his navel. He then kissed the sensitive skin below Sehun’s navel and a loud groan broke from Sehun’s throat when Kai gently bit on the spot, leaving it red and bruised.

Kai halted with his fingers hooked into the waistband of Sehun’s jeans. He frowned, eyes surveying Sehun’s bruised skin and yielding body. “You have no idea how beautiful you are,” he breathed out and bowed his head to place another kiss on the flat planes of Sehun’s stomach.

Sehun sat up, eyes welling up with tears. He shifted on the bed and knelt on either side of Kai before pushing Kai down to recline on the bed. Then straddling Kai’s hips, Sehun yanked his t-shirt off and splayed his fingers on Kai’s bronze, toned chest, slowing dragging them down to Kai’s abs. Kai curled his hands around Sehun’s wrists and gazed into his eyes.

“I want whatever you want, Kai,” Sehun whispered, keeping his gaze low. “I don’t care anymore. I want this… I need you.”

Kai pushed himself up and kissed Sehun full on mouth, enveloping his arms around Sehun’s shivering torso. “If you only knew how much _I_ need _you_ , Sehun,” Kai mumbled into Sehun’s mouth and kissed him feverously, sliding his tongue against Sehun’s, licking the ridge of Sehun’s mouth.

“Make love to me,” Sehun panted, rocking his hips slowly to grind his ass on Kai’s cock. Kai pressed his mouth to Sehun’s collarbone and moaned gutturally while his hands gripped the corners of Sehun’s waist demandingly.

Night began to fall outside, and darkness seeped into the room. They were breaking every barrier there was in a friendship. There was no going back now.

As every last piece of clothing came off, their bodies came together in the rawest heat and the most carnal desire. Sehun would never forget how paralyzing it had been when their bare bodies touched each other. The hunger to be consumed wholly was overwhelming. He needed Kai to ravage him and leave him so deeply wounded that he could never recover.

However, Kai was nothing but gentle as he embraced Sehun under the covers. “Am I hurting you?” Kai asked breathily, curling his fingers inside Sehun.

Sehun clenched around Kai’s fingers as they stroke the most sensitive spot on the walls of his inside. “No,” he exhaled and kissed Kai. “Harder,” he pleaded in a moan and Kai fingered him faster, kneading the soft insides. Sehun screwed his eyes shut and brought a hand between his thighs to hold Kai’s that was fingering him.

“You’re so tight,” Kai rasped, brushing his lips against Sehun’s cheek. He pulled his fingers out and slicked them again with lube before inserting three of them into Sehun’s swelling opening. Sehun came untouched then when Kai kissed him, scissoring through Sehun’s insides. Kai smiled, brushing the tip of their noses.

Embarrassed, Sehun turned his face away. Kai withdrew his fingers from his orifice and brought them to Sehun’s abdomen that was painted with his come. Dragging his fingers over them, Kai smeared them with Sehun’s come before he lifted his forefinger to his lips.

Sehun ran out of breath as he watched Kai lick the come off his finger that had been sliding in and out of Sehun a moment ago. Then slicking the finger with his saliva, Kai inserted it back into Sehun and fingered him ruthlessly.

Within moments, Sehun was hardening and pulsating again, writhing for more. He locked his arms around Kai’s neck and demanded Kai to fuck him, kissing him sloppily.

When he felt Kai’s swollen cockhead prod into his stretched, loosened opening, Sehun squirmed out a trembling moan. Kai rubbed his cock in the cleft of Sehun’s ass before he grabbed hold of the tube of lubricant and condom from the bedside table. Applying them, he positioned himself between Sehun’s legs and descended upon Sehun.

“I love you, Kai,” Sehun muttered breathlessly in the dark, wrapping his legs around Kai’s waist.

“I love you, Sehun,” Kai replied and thrust into him.

The room was soon echoing with their screams and moans, as skin slapped against skin. Sehun eventually shoved Kai to lie down and climbed atop. Kai gripped onto Sehun’s hips as the latter began to rock them and ride Kai’s cock. Sitting up, Kai smashed his mouth onto Sehun’s nipple and sucked it while his hand pumped Sehun’s cock.

Sehun curled a fist around Kai’s hair and yanked it down to force Kai to look up. Then connecting their lips, he kissed Kai violently with spit lubricating their mouths. “I’m going to…” Kai rasped, burying his face in Sehun’s neck.

Then plopping Sehun back on the bed, he picked up the pace of his thrusts and fucked Sehun mercilessly, driving them both to their climaxes.

“Are you all right?” Kai asked as his chest heaved against Sehun’s.

Sehun exhaled a tired chuckle and kissed Kai’s chin. “Never been better.”

Kai smiled, biting his reddened lip. “So, you’re going to give up on finding your Prince Charming, huh?”

“I found him 13 years ago,” Sehun said. Kai grinned wider and kissed him.

 

 

 

End.


End file.
